What a Month

This has been an interesting month. Vanilla life for me has taken over this past week. It has made for some tough times trying to get the energy up to think about sex, let alone kinky stuff. As some of you may have guessed MM and I are in a long distance relationship, we live two hours apart and that is very difficult. We can't just hop into our cars and be with each other in fifteen minutes. That is troubling for both of us.

Since I last wrote on this blog MM and I went to a major BDSM conference. It was a great deal of fun and I think it pushed our relationship along by bringing some issues to the fore that may have just festered because we didn't see them until we were spending the entire weekend together with multiple things to do. I was a volunteer at the event and ended up working much more than I expected. That disappointed MM quite a bit because we were only able to attend one workshop together. The end result however, was that we were able to talk about things that happened, what worked and what didn't. I think that helped us a bit as well.

MM and I have done things that I would never have thought that we would have so quickly. At the conference we did things in her hotel room that I didn't think I was physically ready for. She wanted to do anal sex with me. I was just expecting her to use her fingers. I would have been totally content with that. MM pushed me a bit and used a small dildo on me. It was wonderful. I absolutely loved it. I became a bit emotional because I felt it was the ultimate offering for her. That last bit of resistance. I loved the feeling of her being inside me. Feeling her push against me. When I get into that spectacular headspace of being totally submissive and mentally willing to do what it is that she wants to do, I feel this tremendous sense of love and peacefulness. This was the feeling I had when she was taking me. It was wonderful. I was also surprised that I trusted her enough to do this. Gee I can't wait for my birthday. Slutty grin.

Every morning I have to wear underwear that MM has chosen for me. I find that really helps me with reminding myself that I am the property of MM. Of course at 430 in the morning I may not appreciate it as much as someone who gets up say at 730 or so. I think it has something to do with being crazy for getting up that early. Grin. MM also controls how much I am allowed to masterbate, I am allowed and must stroke for a maximum of fifteen minutes and I am not permitted to cum. The only time I am permitted to cum is when MM allows it. This activity is a mixed blessing. It brings me to a heightened state of arousal and frustration at the same time. I like being allowed to masterbate in this fashion because I am getting pleasure out of it and at the same time MM has control over this activity and that brings me pleasure because I know that MM is getting pleasure from my obedience to her.

I wish I could be with MM right now, kneeling in front of her. I want to feel her shoe or foot on my back, pushing me down telling me where I belong and that I belong to her. MM is my Mistress and I like it that way, I just wish that life did not have a nasty habit of getting in the way. Nasty should only be when MM and I are together, right?