What a Month

This has been an interesting month. Vanilla life for me has taken over this past week. It has made for some tough times trying to get the energy up to think about sex, let alone kinky stuff. As some of you may have guessed MM and I are in a long distance relationship, we live two hours apart and that is very difficult. We can't just hop into our cars and be with each other in fifteen minutes. That is troubling for both of us.

Since I last wrote on this blog MM and I went to a major BDSM conference. It was a great deal of fun and I think it pushed our relationship along by bringing some issues to the fore that may have just festered because we didn't see them until we were spending the entire weekend together with multiple things to do. I was a volunteer at the event and ended up working much more than I expected. That disappointed MM quite a bit because we were only able to attend one workshop together. The end result however, was that we were able to talk about things that happened, what worked and what didn't. I think that helped us a bit as well.

MM and I have done things that I would never have thought that we would have so quickly. At the conference we did things in her hotel room that I didn't think I was physically ready for. She wanted to do anal sex with me. I was just expecting her to use her fingers. I would have been totally content with that. MM pushed me a bit and used a small dildo on me. It was wonderful. I absolutely loved it. I became a bit emotional because I felt it was the ultimate offering for her. That last bit of resistance. I loved the feeling of her being inside me. Feeling her push against me. When I get into that spectacular headspace of being totally submissive and mentally willing to do what it is that she wants to do, I feel this tremendous sense of love and peacefulness. This was the feeling I had when she was taking me. It was wonderful. I was also surprised that I trusted her enough to do this. Gee I can't wait for my birthday. Slutty grin.

Every morning I have to wear underwear that MM has chosen for me. I find that really helps me with reminding myself that I am the property of MM. Of course at 430 in the morning I may not appreciate it as much as someone who gets up say at 730 or so. I think it has something to do with being crazy for getting up that early. Grin. MM also controls how much I am allowed to masterbate, I am allowed and must stroke for a maximum of fifteen minutes and I am not permitted to cum. The only time I am permitted to cum is when MM allows it. This activity is a mixed blessing. It brings me to a heightened state of arousal and frustration at the same time. I like being allowed to masterbate in this fashion because I am getting pleasure out of it and at the same time MM has control over this activity and that brings me pleasure because I know that MM is getting pleasure from my obedience to her.

I wish I could be with MM right now, kneeling in front of her. I want to feel her shoe or foot on my back, pushing me down telling me where I belong and that I belong to her. MM is my Mistress and I like it that way, I just wish that life did not have a nasty habit of getting in the way. Nasty should only be when MM and I are together, right?

Survey From Spirits Journal Blog

Questions to men in a female-led relationship:

1. Are you ashamed of yourself? Do you sometimes ask yourself "whathave I got myself into?", or are you secure and trusting of yourlady's ability to command the ship?

Of course there are times when i ask myself that very question about what i am doing. But the majority of time I think that the rewards are much greater. i have dreamed of being in just such a relationship for all of my adult life. Being in this relationship has begun to change my way of thinking about relationships and communication. It is okay to voice those fantasies that are way out there with MM. It is okay to give up control to MM. The hardest part is knowing what to voice and what not to voice. Just how much of this fantasy do i want to make reality?

2. Did the relationship meet your expectations? Disappoint? Exceed?

This relationship has really exceeded my expectations and we are only just beginning.
Just several months into it.

3. Is your stress level lower and your love life better? Do youconsider yourself a better person than you ever were as a result offemale guidance? Did your lady instill in you values that offsetyour prejudices, resentment and tendency for destruction?

i really believe that my stress level is much lower. My love life is most likely the best in any relationship that i have ever had. Because MM is in control and wants me to share what feels good, and what feels bad. One of the nicest things is knowing that MM wants to take the control and the power from me. That is the most beautiful thing for me. Just the knowledge that She understands that what she wants to do is more important to me than what i want to do is such a strengthening and beautiful experience. It is okay for me to give her my body and mind, and that she wants that control. I love it when she tells me: It is about Me. i want it to be about Her, i want her to be comfortable knowing that it is about her. That makes me very happy and gives me great pleasure.

I Waited ?? Years For This

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Rules Simplified

i sent this to MM last night. i know the picture is posed and probably not real but the quote at the top is what i keyed in on. MM is the Domme and i am the sub, period. No MM, no questions.

Today is the day that MM and i will see each other again, only a couple more hours.

Visit With Mistress Tomorrow

i will have the privilege of seeing my Mistress tomorrow. i can barely contain myself. Mistress has hinted at several of the things she would like to do to me and it is really exciting. Mistress has taken away my control of my own orgasms for the past couple of weeks. The thought that i am no longer in control of my cumming has heightened my awareness of just how horny i can get. it has been five days since Mistress allowed me to cum. In a delicious turn of fate Mistress allows me to stroke myself as much as i like and often asks me to stroke when we are on the phone, but i am not permitted to cum even then. It is a wonderful and frustrating experience stroking myself while talking with her on the phone and yet not cumming. I get frustrated because i want to cum so badly, but i know that if i do the punishment would be severe.

i am hoping that Mistress will allow me to cum in her presence but i am not expecting it. Mistress likes it when i am sexually excited and aroused. She loves scraping her fingernails along my cock and pulling on my balls as hard as she can. i love the sensation of giving myself to Her.

i wonder if Mistress understands just how much she means to me as a friend, lover, and Mistress?

Maybe Mistress will allow me to share what happens tomorrow.

Worthwhile Post

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