What a Month

This has been an interesting month. Vanilla life for me has taken over this past week. It has made for some tough times trying to get the energy up to think about sex, let alone kinky stuff. As some of you may have guessed MM and I are in a long distance relationship, we live two hours apart and that is very difficult. We can't just hop into our cars and be with each other in fifteen minutes. That is troubling for both of us.

Since I last wrote on this blog MM and I went to a major BDSM conference. It was a great deal of fun and I think it pushed our relationship along by bringing some issues to the fore that may have just festered because we didn't see them until we were spending the entire weekend together with multiple things to do. I was a volunteer at the event and ended up working much more than I expected. That disappointed MM quite a bit because we were only able to attend one workshop together. The end result however, was that we were able to talk about things that happened, what worked and what didn't. I think that helped us a bit as well.

MM and I have done things that I would never have thought that we would have so quickly. At the conference we did things in her hotel room that I didn't think I was physically ready for. She wanted to do anal sex with me. I was just expecting her to use her fingers. I would have been totally content with that. MM pushed me a bit and used a small dildo on me. It was wonderful. I absolutely loved it. I became a bit emotional because I felt it was the ultimate offering for her. That last bit of resistance. I loved the feeling of her being inside me. Feeling her push against me. When I get into that spectacular headspace of being totally submissive and mentally willing to do what it is that she wants to do, I feel this tremendous sense of love and peacefulness. This was the feeling I had when she was taking me. It was wonderful. I was also surprised that I trusted her enough to do this. Gee I can't wait for my birthday. Slutty grin.

Every morning I have to wear underwear that MM has chosen for me. I find that really helps me with reminding myself that I am the property of MM. Of course at 430 in the morning I may not appreciate it as much as someone who gets up say at 730 or so. I think it has something to do with being crazy for getting up that early. Grin. MM also controls how much I am allowed to masterbate, I am allowed and must stroke for a maximum of fifteen minutes and I am not permitted to cum. The only time I am permitted to cum is when MM allows it. This activity is a mixed blessing. It brings me to a heightened state of arousal and frustration at the same time. I like being allowed to masterbate in this fashion because I am getting pleasure out of it and at the same time MM has control over this activity and that brings me pleasure because I know that MM is getting pleasure from my obedience to her.

I wish I could be with MM right now, kneeling in front of her. I want to feel her shoe or foot on my back, pushing me down telling me where I belong and that I belong to her. MM is my Mistress and I like it that way, I just wish that life did not have a nasty habit of getting in the way. Nasty should only be when MM and I are together, right?

Survey From Spirits Journal Blog

Questions to men in a female-led relationship:

1. Are you ashamed of yourself? Do you sometimes ask yourself "whathave I got myself into?", or are you secure and trusting of yourlady's ability to command the ship?

Of course there are times when i ask myself that very question about what i am doing. But the majority of time I think that the rewards are much greater. i have dreamed of being in just such a relationship for all of my adult life. Being in this relationship has begun to change my way of thinking about relationships and communication. It is okay to voice those fantasies that are way out there with MM. It is okay to give up control to MM. The hardest part is knowing what to voice and what not to voice. Just how much of this fantasy do i want to make reality?

2. Did the relationship meet your expectations? Disappoint? Exceed?

This relationship has really exceeded my expectations and we are only just beginning.
Just several months into it.

3. Is your stress level lower and your love life better? Do youconsider yourself a better person than you ever were as a result offemale guidance? Did your lady instill in you values that offsetyour prejudices, resentment and tendency for destruction?

i really believe that my stress level is much lower. My love life is most likely the best in any relationship that i have ever had. Because MM is in control and wants me to share what feels good, and what feels bad. One of the nicest things is knowing that MM wants to take the control and the power from me. That is the most beautiful thing for me. Just the knowledge that She understands that what she wants to do is more important to me than what i want to do is such a strengthening and beautiful experience. It is okay for me to give her my body and mind, and that she wants that control. I love it when she tells me: It is about Me. i want it to be about Her, i want her to be comfortable knowing that it is about her. That makes me very happy and gives me great pleasure.

I Waited ?? Years For This

Last weekend i was able to go and visit with MM. What a wonderful experience it was. MM had kept me in a state of arousal all week by not allowing me to cum but permitting me to stroke as much as i wanted to. So by the time that i arrived at MM's I was so aroused that i would have done anything that she wanted me to.

i am not going to recount the entire night and day, but i will say that i had a wonderful time and more importantly, MM told me that she had a wonderful time as well.

One of MM's favorite activities is biting me. MM has very pretty, clean, and brilliantly white teeth. Oh, by the way, did i mention they are very-very sharp. She loves to create perfectly round marks on my chest. She also has a passion for biting hard enough to leave bruises from her sharp inscisors. It is not my favorite activity, for i find it hard to remain still and not complain when her teeth cut into me. And yet at the same time i find it very arousing to feel her breath on my skin and her lips kissing me before the bite commences. i love it when she bites me, for i know that i will have her mark on me for a week or so, as the bruises are deep. i really love wearing her mark on me. It is more than just a sign of her possession of me. Sigh. Just thinking about it makes me almost cry, not from being sad, but quite the opposite, it comes from being in a peaceful and calm state.

MM had me lie on my back and spread my legs wide. She grabbed my left leg and pulled it farther out, almost to the point of cramping. She then took hold of Her/my cock and yanked on it. i love being able to say that. Giving that to her has been one of the best decisions of our relationship. Her taking it has been even better. She then began to suck on Her/my cock and running her teeth over it. i have not had that many blowjobs in my life and it felt exquisite to feel Her/my cock in her mouth. MM then started applying more pressure with her teeth, scraping them along the shaft and then over the corona and my entire body was on fire, so aroused and willing to do whatever She willed at that point. MM then bit down hard on the very tip of Her/my penis. The pain and the pleasure were devine. She kept biting and sucking, not trying to make me cum, just keeping the pain and the pleasure at a peak for what seemed like forever. i had never had a Woman bite down on it. At one point, i said something like, 'i can't believe that i waited 40 years for this.' That statement made MM laugh. Her Dominant giggle is one of the things that i love about Her. MM loves to hear things like that. When MM was done with Her/my penis she said that she loved biting it because it kept her jaw from being tired as she did not have to worry about keeping her teeth from biting and scraping it.

Thank You VERY VERY much for a wonderful time MM.

Rules Simplified

i sent this to MM last night. i know the picture is posed and probably not real but the quote at the top is what i keyed in on. MM is the Domme and i am the sub, period. No MM, no questions.

Today is the day that MM and i will see each other again, only a couple more hours.

Visit With Mistress Tomorrow

i will have the privilege of seeing my Mistress tomorrow. i can barely contain myself. Mistress has hinted at several of the things she would like to do to me and it is really exciting. Mistress has taken away my control of my own orgasms for the past couple of weeks. The thought that i am no longer in control of my cumming has heightened my awareness of just how horny i can get. it has been five days since Mistress allowed me to cum. In a delicious turn of fate Mistress allows me to stroke myself as much as i like and often asks me to stroke when we are on the phone, but i am not permitted to cum even then. It is a wonderful and frustrating experience stroking myself while talking with her on the phone and yet not cumming. I get frustrated because i want to cum so badly, but i know that if i do the punishment would be severe.

i am hoping that Mistress will allow me to cum in her presence but i am not expecting it. Mistress likes it when i am sexually excited and aroused. She loves scraping her fingernails along my cock and pulling on my balls as hard as she can. i love the sensation of giving myself to Her.

i wonder if Mistress understands just how much she means to me as a friend, lover, and Mistress?

Maybe Mistress will allow me to share what happens tomorrow.

Worthwhile Post

Saratoga really has a wonderful blog that I find very useful to explore what it is that we do.

http://ondominance.blogspot.com/

His posts inspired me to start my own blog in the interest of documenting and sharing my new relationship with MM.

MM has been gone for a week now, I find it hard to admit, but I miss her a great deal. I wait by the phone praying that She will call. She holds power over me that I don't think she realizes that she has. Yes, I am a quivering mass when I am in her presence, but even when we are apart I find myself waiting for her, thinking of her and dreaming about her.

As I read some of the posts by other bloggers I find some of the issues resonate with me greatly and I want to share these things with her. I will share them with her, but not just yet. I want to tell her that I love it when she has complete possession of me. I love it when I submit that part of me that just doesn't want to submit. One of the conversations that MM and I have had is about a statement I use quite often and she finds rather annoying. 'If you wish Mistress.' I mean it as a way of saying, I will submit to your desires and subsume my own. I want to submit to her desires, I want her to feel as if she can do what she wants with me, not just what I will allow her to do. I want to move away from what will I allow towards, what does she want to do. I want to be her canvas that she can create her own mystic world of domination over me.